Set on a slight oversized forehead with a
balding top, Russell’s roundish gray-blue eyes peered through the driver’s side
window. With an index finger aimed at the approaching Gator Bait Bar, he said,
“Lunch?”
“Gotta get beer anyways,” said Edmond who
then proceeded to slow the vehicle and its following boat trailer.
The thirtyish-aged men of similar slender
build and dress of ragged edged blue jeans, white tank top undershirts, and
checkered flannels, passed through the screened-door entrance. Inside, they sat
at a high top table across from a group of native men playing cards. Edmond’s slim
pointy chin ran up the sides of a narrow face and disappeared into a matted
bowl of black hair. His eyes squinted above a short nose at the map that Russell
unfolded.
“Moccasin road takes you back to the spot,”
said Russell, pointing. A native from the game rose to his feet, stumbled
across the room, and steadied himself on a stool. Staring with glossy red eyes
and a leathery weathered face, he blew a foul odor of rotten teeth, tobacco,
and liquor,
“Aniwye … beware Aniwye …”
“Excuse me?” said Edmond.
“Get back Crazy Joe,” said the elderly
bartender, “natives believe the swamp to be haunted by a giant man-eating skunk
monster. Load of horse manure. It’s the real-life gators that I’d be looking
out for.”
“We ain’t scared no gators,” said Russell.
“Still there’s been some unexplained
deaths,” said the barkeep, “best to stay clear.”
Russell held the aluminum boat’s side and
guided it from the half submerged trailer into the river at the end of Moccasin
road. Like a routine act in a play, he felt the scene repeating itself for they
had poached together numerous times in the course of their two year friendship.
In an hour after sunset, moon-glow made
dark shadows of the trees and river banks and lured the frogs and crickets from
their slumber. Spray from Russell’s insecticide attempted to repel a mosquito
swarm while he flailed with his flashlight.
“Shine that out the front,” said Edmond. His
counterpart directed the beam and panned left to right and stopped. Two red
embers like hot coals hovered as the swamp looked back at them. Edmond put his
paddle down, picked up his rifle, and fired. The discharge sent a shockwave
through the wilderness.
“Holy moly that’s a big gator,” said
Edmond when the boat reached the spot where it floated. After a scuffle with
the rope, they heaved it into the craft.
“Too easy,” said Russell.
“We’re going to need another boat if this
keeps up,” said Edmond, rolling up his soaked sleeves. Russell noticed that Edmond
became harder and harder to see.
“Seems like the moon is going behind a
cloud,” he said. Edmond trembled from a chill.
“Weird.”
“What?” said Russell.
“I don’t hear a single frog, bug, gator, nothing.”
“That blast woke half the place,” said Russell.
“Shhh.” A low intense growl like a raging
dog flooded the trees, its volume increased with each second but then dissolved
into an echo and then to silence. The gator’s armored tail smacked Edmond’s leg
causing his hand to flinch and fire off a round into the boat. In that instance
Russell half-stood, lurched backwards, caught his foot on the seat, and catapulted
overboard into the murky abyss. Russell’s head broke the surface and he
screamed for help. “Something’s pulling me under!” Edmond grabbed a paddle but
Russell was nowhere to be found. While the boat filled with water Edmond
rowed to the shore and leaped into the soggy mud. From downriver came a
voice,
“Edmond!” The rifle man hurried inland
through the brush.
“I’m coming!”
When Edmond reached Russell he found him
lying on his side.
“Gotta catch my breath.”
“I thought you a gonner,” said Edmond.
A
screeching roar seized their attention and they stiffened with fear.
“What do you suppose that is?” said
Russell.
“Maybe a panther. I still got the gun.”
They heard branches cracking and a tree fall.
“It’s coming and we can’t see a damn thing,”
said Edmond. They heard a rumbling angry snarl.
“It’s very close,” said Russell who searched
with desperation for some branch for a weapon. In the near total black they waited
for the impending arrival of the adversary and then they saw its red violent eyes
darting between trees moving closer until it was upon them. Resembling a giant
shaggy bear it opened a rodent-shaped massive mouth full of razor-teeth. Its
eyes were angry flames. Edmond took a shot and then another until the gun
clicked out of ammo. The beast stretched out two enormous, hairy, animal paws
and invoked a rushing wind. Edmond fell on his back convulsing and vomiting after
which he crumpled into a fetal ball. Russell ran through vines, between pine
trees, and then burrowed through thick undergrowth in a mad-scramble to get
away, but with every step of progress his feet slipped on dry leaves. Tripping
and tumbling, he landed in dense saw grass that sliced his flesh. He lay on the
plants screaming and then heard the gurgling howl of the beast. Upon bounding
to his feet, he ran most of a mile before diving face first into a pile of
dirt. While trying to gather strength, there was a sharp pain on his face and
then another. In moments he was covered in a viscous frenzy of ants. He smelled
a sickening odor and heard a haunting wail. To his feet again, he hobbled
forward, wavered, and fell unconscious.
A morning bird’s song woke Russell. He rolled
from his stomach onto his back and sat cross-legged. He watched the silent woods
and tried to sort out the night. Even in daylight the dense vegetation and close-fitting
trees made it seem more like a cave. A breeze fanned his ear and its wisp brought
a faint echo and an unexplained shiver when he heard a distinct whisper,
“Russell … help … me … help … me …”
Wonderful, I was literally on the edge of my seat with this one. It's late; gosh, I hope my sleep is dreamless! LOL
ReplyDeleteI remember the first time I saw a documentary about a Swamp Monster, and it really scared the heck out of me. A dark forest has always scared me, but a swamp – will not go there at all! Well written with two men doing what they shouldn't but the fact that they both lived through the night was a real surprise, and then that ending. Will he get the help he's looking for or has the monster set a trap – I'm running in the opposite direction. LOL
Great submission for the WEP Halloween Challenge! Thanks so much for participating. I hope you'll consider joining us in December for Holiday Celebrations that are out of this world.
Happy Halloween!
Awesome pacing and description Jeff. I too was surprised by the end; but who knows how long a swamp monster keeps its food alive, somewhat. Lots of fear and creepy going on here.
ReplyDeleteThe woesome tale of Edmond and Russel and the 'gators! This was definitely edge-of-the-seat good, Jeff. Lots of atmosphere in the settings. The dialogue was realistic between the two guys. The ending really slapped at the reader like a 'gator's tail. Great stuff!
ReplyDeleteGreat submission for the WEP Halloween Challenge! Thanks so much for joining us. Maybe we'll see you again in December for Holiday Celebrations, hopefully a sci-fi take on the season.
Happy Halloween!
Denise :-)
Well, you know.. poachers get what's coming to them! Really great pacing on this one! Suspenseful even though I felt sure they'd stumble upon a monster even before it's mentioned in the bar. Something about the inevitability of it!
ReplyDeleteI would not want to be in their shoes right now. I'm surprised they made it through the night, but I bet they didn't last much longer.
ReplyDeleteInteresting story. I am surprised that Russell survived all that. And who knows if Edmond is alive or dead. They should have listened to the warning.
ReplyDeleteAlways listen to the natives. Never tempt fate. And where I live, you learn to respect the swamp and its dangers. Good story.
ReplyDeleteHi, just returning to answer your question. I chose not to give the characters names because the ghost wouldn't have known their names. In the original draft they all had names, but I changed it when I decided to re-write it from the ghost's POV :)
ReplyDeleteThat for sure makes sense. I should have read it closer.
DeleteBoats and bears
ReplyDeleteand evil stairs
gators that die
red fiery eyes
nice tail you tail
Ohhh...scary. I guess their poaching days are past. I've never been in the swamp but so many creepy stories mean I probably won't venture into one. Good job.
ReplyDeleteNancy
They shouldn't have gone there, poaching gets you into trouble! Hope they make it out alive. Great action packed scary story with gators and unknown bear monster. Reminded me of Wilbur Smith's writing. Well done.
ReplyDelete'as the swamp looked back at them' was the line which sang to me. All of the swamp. If they escape the skunk (and its bigger, meaner cousins) they are luckier than they deserve...
ReplyDeleteGator country poachers probably needed a lesson. The tension is constant in this story and doesn't let up even at the end. . .is that his partner whispering on the wind? Creepy when one can't see, yet one hears unidentifiable growls and snarls. Enjoyed your story, well done.
ReplyDeleteCreepy stuff.
ReplyDeleteA skunk monster definitely sounds like something comical, but when it's bearing down on you and about to claw your face off, I imagine it's not so funny anymore...
Nice job. I feel like I'm there, and the gaters are coming for me!
ReplyDelete